What I don’t want you to know about me

What started as an email to myself about the importance of being honest and talking about the beliefs I hold about myself turned into this post. Which then became several days of reading and contemplating imposter syndrome, comparison and everybody.

What I don’t want you to know about me (not an exhaustive list)

  • I’m not a specialist, I don’t want to write deep philosophical articles about data, culture, research techniques. (To those who do, thank you!).
  • My search skills are not what I think they should be and mostly pretty random. I can find what you need, it just won’t be very methodical or structured.
  • I worry all the time about not fitting in, being too loud, too extroverted, stress about how I’m not like that librarian over there, or that one there.
  • I worry about whether I bring anything useful or meaningful to Turbitt and Duck.
  • Some days I think I’m a failed librarian, an imposter, an upstart, that annoying person who thinks she knows about libraries but really doesn’t.
  • That because I’m new to the library profession, I shouldn’t have any opinions or anything to say. Because opinions are for legitimate librarians and I’m not legitimate. 

Here’s what I do know about me

  • I’m not a specialist, I can’t and don’t want to write deep philosophical articles about data, culture, research techniques. (To those who do, thank you!). I’m a generalist, and like to know about many topics and really don’t have any desire to deep dive into particular topics.
  • My search skills are not what I think they should be and mostly pretty random. I can find what you need, it just won’t be very methodical or structured. I am teaching myself to be a more systematic searcher and reach out to those I know are great at it to see what I can learn from them.
  • I worry about not fitting in, being too loud, too extroverted, stress about how I’m not like that librarian over there, or that one there. I also spend time being happy with being *this* particular librarian.
  • I worry about whether I bring anything useful for or meaningful to Turbitt and Duck. This is completely untrue and one from the deeper anxiety recesses of my brain. Clearly I bring excellent GIFs to the Turbitt and Duck world.
  • Some days I think I’m a failed librarian, an imposter, an upstart, that annoying person who thinks she knows about libraries but really doesn’t. Just because I am new to this profession, doesn’t mean I haven’t got anything to contribute. HELLO TRANSFERABLE SKILLS and KNOWLEDGE. This one is about acknowledging that fear and doing it anyway.
  • That because I’m new to the library profession, I shouldn’t have any opinions or anything to say. Because opinions are for legitimate librarians and I’m not legitimate. I will never feel legitimate, tertiary study was ‘supposed’ to make me feel that way and it didn’t. So after reading The Happiness Project and some deep discussions with friends, I’m letting myself be illegitimate!

Don’t let your “Everybody Committee” tell who you are and what you can and can’t do

Over the last two days I’ve listened to this episode of Don’t Keep Your Day Job with guest Martha Beck twice and was struck by the discussion about the ‘generalised other’ AKA The Everybody Committee.

To quote Martha:

Your generalized other is actually based on a mental magnification of just a few people, often the most judgmental people you know.

And:

So the brain takes about six people, blends them into a brew and calls them EVERYBODY. And we truly in our hearts believe that EVERYBODY wants or expects or thinks XYZ of us.

Oh. WOAH. Looking back at my original list, how many of them have I, at some point told myself is because “everybody” thinks so? All of them. Letting myself be guided by that mystical and unreliable blob of people isn’t how I want to live life. And it keeps that door open for imposter syndrome and comparison to walk right in, put their feet on the furniture, eat all the food in the fridge and heckle relentlessly.

Have a listen to that episode, read this article by Martha Beck about the Everybody Committee. Make your own list of things you don’t want to people to know about you. Split the page in half, left hand column is all the crap things you think about yourself, the right hand side, your counter arguments.

Close the door to imposter syndrome by sacking that committee and finding a new one.

Applications are now open for my new committee – applicants who supply GIFs and puns will be given preferred applicant status!