The post conference thud

APLIC finished a few weeks ago but I’m just coming out of the other side of “post conference thud”. That feeling of spending several days absorbing new ideas and trying to connect them to your work as well as save them for future reference, talking until you lose your voice, meeting new people, re-connecting with friends and colleagues, not sleeping very well due to being totally wired and awake until the wee hours of the morning and the exhaustion that goes with being “on” for a week.

THUD.

And then you return home and go back to work and spend the first week post-conference picking up all the threads, restarting conversations and projects, finding where all the socks went at home and who is enrolling in what electives for next year and finding your “non-conference life” groove again.

THUD.

A couple of weeks after APLIC I was more exhausted and mentally wrung out. The thud became complete overwhelm and I was full of doubt – did I really do a “good job” at the conference? Was I useful as a state manager? Did I connect with enough people? Did people who complimented on the podcast really mean it? Did I go to the right sessions? Yes. I spiralled. Exhaustion rolls out the welcome mat for these thoughts – every single time.

At least I recognised how being tired + negative had joined forces and that what I really needed to do was give myself a big pat on the back and a large exuberant high five. But how?

Ask Twitter of course…

And as always, the answers were generous and kind:

And this reply from Lyndelle helped me to feel less alone with these thoughts.

So what now? I listened to all this advice and felt really motivated to make the ones that appealed to me actually happen. I made a ta-da list, and an achievement board, scheduled quiet time, spoke to friends who make me feel good, spent time with family doing things we love and took some time away from screens and everything online. I’ve also read a bit more than usual and spent more time outside. These are all things I know I should do, but they end up at the bottom of the list when the THUD happens. It’s a work in progress and each time I hit that low bit, I get a bit better at taking action and recognising the signs.

What do you do when you’re overwhelmed? How do you cope with the post-conference thud? I’d love to hear what you do.

Three lessons I’ve learnt from Turbitt & Duck podcast guests

As we head towards twenty episodes of Turbitt & Duck: The Library Podcast, I’ve been thinking about our guests, the topics we’ve covered and what I’ve learnt along the way about the library and information profession and the people working in it.

Being interviewed isn’t easy

On reflection, it’s rather similar to a job interview that’s being recorded but with a friendlier panel! For some of our guests, lots of preparation and planning with regard to our questions has (somewhat) alleviated the stress of being interviewed. It’s a challenge to be present, speak clearly, remember what you want to say (and what you can’t say) and I admire everyone who has recorded with us so far for accepting the challenge and letting us share their voice.

Generosity

Every guest has given us their personal time to record – on Saturday mornings, Sunday afternoons, after work on a Tuesday. If we could only interview people during their work hours, we probably wouldn’t have any guests! I’ve learnt that our guests have given up family, reading, exercise, sleep, shopping, second job time to record with us. And that some people will say no because recording out of work time encroaches on other aspects of their lives. There’s no right or wrong, just what works for each person.*

Honesty

Even though some of our guests haven’t been able to fully disclose or discuss their work for various reasons, they have all been honest about challenges, what went wrong and also what they think are the issues in our industry. These are the things I believe need to receive just as much attention as the great, amazing, clever, thoughtful work. We need to address the multiple elephants in the room and talk about failures and how we can be better at what we do. There are a number of guests who have started these conversations, and I’m looking forward to continuing the discussions and also checking back in with them to see what’s changed (or not).

But wait there’s more

I was tempted to highlight specific episodes, however I didn’t. Because honestly, you will learn something about these three ‘lessons’ and more from every single guest. I’ve been challenged by each and every guest, to think harder, read more broadly and consider my own biases and ways of working.

You can listen to all of the Turbitt & Duck episodes on our website or via your favourite podcast app.

*So much of the professional development that people can access is possible because of volunteer labour. Program committees for large conferences, entire committees for symposiums, unconferences, Facebook groups, special interest groups, Twitter chats – ALL volunteer run (remember that when you throw around criticisms or rude feedback). And what if you can’t volunteer because of financial, accessibility or personal reasons? Do we need to push back at employers so that volunteering occurs within work hours (if work related of course!)

What I don’t want you to know about me

What started as an email to myself about the importance of being honest and talking about the beliefs I hold about myself turned into this post. Which then became several days of reading and contemplating imposter syndrome, comparison and everybody.

What I don’t want you to know about me (not an exhaustive list)

  • I’m not a specialist, I don’t want to write deep philosophical articles about data, culture, research techniques. (To those who do, thank you!).
  • My search skills are not what I think they should be and mostly pretty random. I can find what you need, it just won’t be very methodical or structured.
  • I worry all the time about not fitting in, being too loud, too extroverted, stress about how I’m not like that librarian over there, or that one there.
  • I worry about whether I bring anything useful or meaningful to Turbitt and Duck.
  • Some days I think I’m a failed librarian, an imposter, an upstart, that annoying person who thinks she knows about libraries but really doesn’t.
  • That because I’m new to the library profession, I shouldn’t have any opinions or anything to say. Because opinions are for legitimate librarians and I’m not legitimate. 

Here’s what I do know about me

  • I’m not a specialist, I can’t and don’t want to write deep philosophical articles about data, culture, research techniques. (To those who do, thank you!). I’m a generalist, and like to know about many topics and really don’t have any desire to deep dive into particular topics.
  • My search skills are not what I think they should be and mostly pretty random. I can find what you need, it just won’t be very methodical or structured. I am teaching myself to be a more systematic searcher and reach out to those I know are great at it to see what I can learn from them.
  • I worry about not fitting in, being too loud, too extroverted, stress about how I’m not like that librarian over there, or that one there. I also spend time being happy with being *this* particular librarian.
  • I worry about whether I bring anything useful for or meaningful to Turbitt and Duck. This is completely untrue and one from the deeper anxiety recesses of my brain. Clearly I bring excellent GIFs to the Turbitt and Duck world.
  • Some days I think I’m a failed librarian, an imposter, an upstart, that annoying person who thinks she knows about libraries but really doesn’t. Just because I am new to this profession, doesn’t mean I haven’t got anything to contribute. HELLO TRANSFERABLE SKILLS and KNOWLEDGE. This one is about acknowledging that fear and doing it anyway.
  • That because I’m new to the library profession, I shouldn’t have any opinions or anything to say. Because opinions are for legitimate librarians and I’m not legitimate. I will never feel legitimate, tertiary study was ‘supposed’ to make me feel that way and it didn’t. So after reading The Happiness Project and some deep discussions with friends, I’m letting myself be illegitimate!

Don’t let your “Everybody Committee” tell who you are and what you can and can’t do

Over the last two days I’ve listened to this episode of Don’t Keep Your Day Job with guest Martha Beck twice and was struck by the discussion about the ‘generalised other’ AKA The Everybody Committee.

To quote Martha:

Your generalized other is actually based on a mental magnification of just a few people, often the most judgmental people you know.

And:

So the brain takes about six people, blends them into a brew and calls them EVERYBODY. And we truly in our hearts believe that EVERYBODY wants or expects or thinks XYZ of us.

Oh. WOAH. Looking back at my original list, how many of them have I, at some point told myself is because “everybody” thinks so? All of them. Letting myself be guided by that mystical and unreliable blob of people isn’t how I want to live life. And it keeps that door open for imposter syndrome and comparison to walk right in, put their feet on the furniture, eat all the food in the fridge and heckle relentlessly.

Have a listen to that episode, read this article by Martha Beck about the Everybody Committee. Make your own list of things you don’t want to people to know about you. Split the page in half, left hand column is all the crap things you think about yourself, the right hand side, your counter arguments.

Close the door to imposter syndrome by sacking that committee and finding a new one.

Applications are now open for my new committee – applicants who supply GIFs and puns will be given preferred applicant status!

 

3 lessons I’ve learnt about how to move from thinking to doing

How many times have you made the decision to start something new: write an abstract, start a new project, join a group or committee, start a blog, apply for a job, and then, nothing happens? It’s easy to convince yourself that the timing wasn’t right, or that it was too hard or you aren’t ready (hot tip: you’ll never be ready), we’ve all done that. When I’m stuck in that “I want to start but am caught in the headlights” position, I remind myself of these three points to force myself into action.

You will make mistakes

I’ve made a lot of mistakes, so have you. Lots and lots of mistakes. Each mistake has been an opportunity for reflection and to figure out how to fix it next time. Obviously I’ve ignored the opportunity to reflect sometimes, wallowed in my mistake and never tried again. Hasn’t everyone?

When you can recognise the learning opportunity that comes with mistakes, then you’re on to something. Find how to fix the mistake, document the process, tell someone you stuffed up and explain how you’ll do it better next time. If I had given up the first time I stuffed something up, well there would be no Turbitt in Turbitt & Duck. And probably no library degree hanging on my wall or…well you get the picture. We all make mistakes. Dare to be bad. And then keep going.

There is no gatekeeper, there is no gate.

You will never be ready

This has been written so many times before by many other people. You will never be ready. So you may as well take the first step, get started and make some mistakes. Apply for that job, ask someone to help you rewrite your resume, start that research, return to study, ask for a secondment, learn how to paint, start that zine, write the abstract.

There will never be the right time for any of these things so you may as well start now.

The starting is the hard bit for lots of people, particularly if you’re partial to procrastination and perfectionism. To you I say, the first version is going to be a bit shit, so you may as well get it out of your system.

You Aren’t Lazy – You’re Just Terrified: On Paralysis and Perfectionism.

Everything you need is within your reach

If you are starting a new project, wanting to know more about yourself, looking at a new field of study or research, wanting to find a buddy to start a podcast with, thinking about writing a conference abstract, everything you need is out there waiting for you.

And if you have a library qualification, you are more than capable of finding what you need to get started.

Reach out, ask for help, connect with people. Don’t be an island. Isolation is the dream killer so be loud and proud about what you’re doing. Turbitt & Duck came about because Amy and I shared our dreams and ideas with each other. I’ve wanted to start a podcast for a long time, but it took opening up to Amy who understood what I was rambling about to make it happen.

Sharing your plans, dreams or project may also give you the accountability that you need to keep going. If you’re worried about getting it “right”, refer to points 1 and 2. Take small steps if you need to, but just start.

Isolation is the dream killer.

What’s one thing you can do right now, one small step, that will start you moving towards your goal?